Veritas
by Elysian Stars
Summary: Sequel to Victorious. Now that Endrance's feelings have been accepted, he decides it's time give the real world another chance, and wonders how to handle his first offline meeting with Haseo.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Notes: _.hack/G.U. is property of CyberConnect2, and I'm making no financial profit from the use of their characters. I said I'd start working on this story almost a year ago, and I'm sorry it's taken this long to complete the first chapter. I'm deeply grateful for the kind feedback Victorious received, so hopefully this will be a worthy follow-up. Comments are always welcome, including concrit.

**Veritas**

A week had passed since the latest in a series of recent miracles: their marriage in The World. Kaoru wondered if that was too short a space of time to mark an anniversary. Probably, but he'd celebrate each new day they spent together. Every hour, every shining moment.

His love was accepted, _wanted_. He was growing strong enough to stand by Ryou's side, to make him smile, defend him from harm, be the person he sought out for no reason other than to share time together. Because Kaoru had been brave enough to try, and Ryou had been generous enough to respond…

Presently though, Ryou was offline, and Kaoru had a task in the real world. Something he was determined to do, no matter how much it daunted him (a sense of heavy unease focused in his stomach, as though he'd been swallowing lead bullets).

At least there wasn't much traffic in the neighbourhood, at this time of day. He'd just take a brief walk, to a fixed point and back again, trying not to make such a useless journey look strange. It shouldn't take more than ten minutes, which wasn't long to be exposed to the outside world, by ordinary standards. It truly wasn't. Ten minutes was enough to clear one floor of a simple, low-level dungeon. Not much could have a chance to go wrong in ten minutes…

The Promise Card had been a huge gesture on Ryou's part, and Kaoru intended to match it, somehow, eventually. To prove himself worthy here as well as online. It was shameful to struggle at things everyone else found effortless, and so maybe it was foolish to take pride in overcoming those problems. But Ryou never mocked things like that. Even if he didn't understand, he took it seriously, he offered encouragement in his own understated ways. And Kaoru would repay every instance of those kindnesses, with interest. Somehow, eventually…

Ryou had never actually suggested that they meet offline, and Kaoru wasn't bold enough to raise the issue himself. Still, he had a feeling it would happen. Phone calls, pictures, details about their real lives…such things wouldn't be exchanged if this was meant as a purely online relationship, would they? He didn't feel it was wrong to think that way, like it was expecting too much. He just had to prepare patiently for that day.

Kaoru stepped outside, drawing a slow breath of the mild autumn air to steady his wavering nerves. The weather looked okay; clouds veiled the sun, so its light couldn't dazzle, but they weren't dense enough to threaten rain (though rain might be welcome, making other people less likely to venture out). He turned to shut the door, but his eye was drawn to the lock. He froze. Did he have a key? …No, he'd forgotten all about a crucial detail like that.

Faint nausea struck, realising what a mistake he'd almost made. To be locked out when there was nobody else home… He hurried back indoors. It took a while to find a key, to trawl through memory and confirm it was the right shape, and a while longer to build up another burst of confidence, re-checking his clothes to be sure he looked okay, his phone to be sure the battery was charged (it had lain unused for years before Ryou first called, but still functioned, albeit sluggishly at times).

But he could do this. He'd imagine Ryou walking beside him, hand in warm, reassuring hand, or pretend this was The World and he could log out anytime he felt overwhelmed, that there was some sort of safety net in place. He didn't have to interact with anyone, merely exist in a similar (yet still separate) place. He hadn't always been this afraid, even as a child…

For a second time, with carefully restrained trepidation, he stepped out of the door. And kept walking, trying to hold his head high, wishing he could emulate Endrance's effortless grace. There was a strange sensation, but not an unpleasant one, quite apart from his anxiety, and it took time to realise exactly what it was - the awareness of not being closed in by walls, of being surrounded by so much _space_. Some extra quality infused the non-artificial light, and the non-contained air…it was so subtle, he didn't recall noticing it back when he'd left the house freely. Perhaps he'd just forgotten.

There was a sense of vitality in it. And the street was empty, without anything worthy of alarm. Some of the houses he passed – walking uphill, since this was all built on a slope – had flowers in little patches of front garden, and his gaze lingered over them. No roses, though. Anxiety still bore down on him, but not unbearably, not conqueringly.

Eventually Kaoru turned around, and surveyed how far he'd come. Not as far as he'd thought, but enough for today. And looking downhill he could see the distant ocean, slate-blue and calm, less beautiful than The World's but instilling fondness despite that.

Maybe, one day, Ryou would go there with him…

"You sold _all_ of them?"

"Every last one!" Gaspard replied brightly. He'd set up shop in Breg Epona today, selling high-level items to high-level players. People claimed it was his cute PC that made him such a popular front for Shop Acorn, but Haseo suspected there was more to it than that. The kid was a better businessman than he looked.

"Well, good job. I'll see if I can get more on this quest with-"

"Hi Haseo, Gaspard!" Atoli's voice interrupted, carrying over the general noise of the Root Town. Her winglike cloak fluttered out as she hurried towards them; somehow she looked more in her element here than anywhere else, like she might suddenly take flight into the bright blue skies. Halting in front of the shop, she bowed deeply in greeting. "Whew! I'm right on time, aren't I?"

"Hey there, Atoli. Got held up at Moon Tree?"

"Just a little! So what's in Shop Acorn today?" She clasped her hands behind her back, leaning over the counter to look.

"I'm selling lots of items for the new alchemy quests," Gaspard said, beaming, "and we've got a rare spell-boosting accessory for healers, too!"

"Ooh, yes, that's nice…"

"I'll give a big discount if you want it." A good businessman, but still a kind kid at heart.

Atoli smiled, waving her hands in denial. "No, no, I couldn't accept that!"

"Don't be shy! You're part of Canard too, after all."

"Ah, but really-"

"No, really!" Gaspard paused, before his cheery expression crumpled with a cry of dismay. "Waah, I'm sorry! It just vanished from the shop's inventory. Someone else bought it while we were talking…"

"I had no choice. I can't wait around while you two argue politely all day," Haseo said bluntly. He opened a gift exchange window with Atoli, and handed the accessory over to her (and in his opinion, Gaspard had kind of overpriced it).

"H-Haseo, you're giving it to me?" She accepted it, then bowed again, laughing a little. "Thank you! I'll wear it all the time, I promise."

"So are we ready to start this quest?"

"Yes! We just need a third party member." Atoli hesitated, shuffling her feet, gaze drifting to the floor. "I, I don't mind if you want to invite Endrance…"

Haseo managed to keep his surprise to himself. "It's your quest. You decide who we bring," he replied, with a neutral shrug. It was a nice gesture from her, but he knew she'd been uncomfortable since the wedding event (well, after Silabus drew his attention to the fact). He wasn't sure _why -_ if it was to do with Endrance being a guy, or if Atoli'd had a crush on Haseo herself, or maybe some totally unrelated third option - and didn't want to ask. No need to stir things up more.

Seriously, he wasn't immature enough to get mad at anyone who didn't think he and Endrance were the new Romeo and Juliet (never mind that those two ended up dead, so being compared to them was no real compliment). There'd always be people who weren't sure if you were with the right partner, for whatever reason.

Gaspard hummed contentedly in the background, oblivious to any drama. Atoli was quiet for a moment, then nodded decisively. "Invite him."

"…Okay. Thanks, Atoli," Haseo said, surprised at how much gratitude he felt. He wasn't sure what had motivated her to say that, when there were plenty of other people they could invite. Maybe she'd been planning it all along, or maybe it was because he bought her that accessory. Maybe he shouldn't over-think it.

* * *

"They invited me out after class, but their taste in movies sucks. I'm not going," Haseo announced. He was sitting on the edge of a platform; below, sluggish tides of lava cast up a golden glow, with the contrast of ice-white runes drifting through heat-rippled air.

Sif Berg wasn't a Lost Ground either of them frequented, but it provided beauty and relative privacy without the same weight of bittersweet memories Hulle Granz held for Haseo, or Indieglut Lugh did for Endrance. That made it a place to forge new memories, together – that was how Endrance saw it, anyway. Haseo was the one who'd chosen to meet here today, and he'd follow Haseo anywhere, always finding reasons to be glad of where they ended up.

And he was glad it was just the two of them, right now. Partying with Atoli the other day had been fine, more or less, but he'd always be happiest when it was just Haseo and himself.

"Won't they be irritated…?" Endrance asked. He knew that Haseo rated his classmates as less valuable than his friends in The World, but still…

"Nah, they're used to me. You think I'm all quiet and obedient in real life?" he replied with an air of dry amusement, then amended, "Well, maybe if I have to be. But I don't like tiptoeing around people all the time."

"Hmm… What do you think of that movie based on The World?"

"I was kind of sceptical, but the previews actually look good. I might go see it."

Endrance didn't respond right away, wondering if Haseo would suggest they go together. But he didn't, and then Endrance remembered something else he'd wanted to ask. "Have you seen Apkallu lately…?"

"Apkallu? Oh, you mean _that_ picture, don't you?"

He hadn't expected glowing enthusiasm, but he hadn't expected such a sullen reaction as that, either. "You didn't like it?"

"Even if we're famous players, I don't get why anyone would draw pictures of our wedding. And some of the comments pissed me off."

"…That doesn't affect the image itself. I don't care about the responses it drew, and…I hope any negativity you feel won't tarnish your memories of that day."

"Like hell it would!" Haseo declared, with reassuring indignation.

"I see… I'm glad."

Endrance lapsed into peaceful silence, reminiscing. Sometimes he wished for a permanent mark of their marriage, but both their PCs wore gloves with gold bands already around each finger. Regardless, that was a nice coincidence.

"Damn, I lost track of time. I should log out soon."

"Isn't it rather early?"

"So? I'm tired. I'm taking extra shifts at my job, just for a while."

"At that store…? Why?"

"Hah. Can't say." Haseo looked away with an elusive smile. Endrance had no clue what that meant.

"…Nothing's wrong, I hope?"

"Everything's fine. If I had problems with money, my parents could step in and fix it," Haseo said, shrugging. "But they don't want me growing up with no sense of having to work for stuff. So they pay for essentials like rent on my apartment, but I don't get allowance. And right now I'm saving for something."

Endrance already had an idea that Haseo's family was well-off, and that he didn't live with them, but the facts had been mentioned in passing rather than a focus of conversation. If Endrance were a different kind of person, he'd envy such independence, but as it stood he was simply intrigued, and of course admiring. "Doesn't it ever put pressure on you? Having to do so much for yourself…"

"Not really. I mean, I'm used to it, since I got the apartment when my school first accepted me. See-" Haseo shifted away slightly, tracing a circle on the ground between them with his finger. "This is Tokyo. Here's where my parents live, here's where my father works." He pointed at two places in the upper-right section of the circle, not far apart. "My middle school was around there too. But my high school's over here." The lower section. "Moving the whole family would've been a pain."

"And you had to attend that particular school?"

"Well I'm not bragging, but places there are pretty sought after. So yeah, that's when I got the apartment. My mom was around there a lot at first, but they know I can handle things by myself now."

"You're as reliable offline as here, then…"

"Maybe. But The World's a different environment, so people can't help acting differently somehow, whether it's a slight change or a total 180."

"No, that's true…" Endrance hesitated. There was more he could add – mentioning what was different about himself offline, assuring Haseo that his love would still be a constant, expressing hope that Haseo's feelings wouldn't wither either. But that last point made the words stick in his throat, in a way they seldom did. They weren't things he needed to say, really, when an offline meeting had never been spoken of…

"Anyway, I'd better go."

"Of course." Endrance smiled, not wanting to seem like anything was bothering him. "Goodnight, Haseo…"

Overall, he felt glad far more than bothered, even as spiralling lights marked Haseo's logout. Because every so often he could ask the right questions, and be gifted with even more information than he'd hoped for about the one he loved. Haseo wasn't a chatty person – he preferred to let actions do the talking – but he could make exceptions. One more subtle, heart-warming token of acceptance.

Endrance just wished he had more to share, in return. One more reason to try harder in the real world.

* * *

_Good morning. I hope you slept well… _

The text arrived while Ryou was preparing breakfast, looking for a clean knife to cut up some tofu while the savoury scent of simmering dashi filled the kitchen (he wasn't a bad cook, just not a tidy one). Kaoru had stepped up the contact between them since the wedding event, which was fine; that level of attention was more welcome now, rather than feeling smothering or obsessive. He replied straight away – well, as soon as he'd dumped the tofu into the soup.

_Morning, Kaoru. I've got a test today, so wish me luck._

_I'm sure you won't need luck to do well, Ryou…_

Brief and pointless as the messages were, their exchange carried on throughout the morning. A text on the train to school, another in between classes; just excuses to keep talking, really. Well, until the one Kaoru sent near the end of the day.

_Ah, there's something I wanted to show you… I know it's not much at all, but…_

Attached was an image file. Curious, Ryou opened it, and was presented with a slightly off-centre photo of Kaoru standing outside a house. Being outside, that was what he wanted to show off? Well, in a way it really wasn't much, but Kaoru himself thought it important enough to share. That meant there was pride there, right? He'd taken a step forward, and it was going okay for him.

_Is that where you live?_

_Yes… I wanted to prove I'd ventured that far. I'm sorry the picture isn't the best, though…_

_That's okay_, Ryou wrote, then paused before adding the next words that crossed his mind (not that similar things had never crossed it before, so he wasn't acting completely on impulse). There was a slight, stupid sense of delight in making this offer, already knowing how it'd be received. _Now I'll recognise it when I'm there myself, right?_

He expected the reply to be instant, but it took a few minutes. Maybe Kaoru was too giddy to hit the right buttons on the keypad, or something.

_You mean it? Ryou, I… That would make me so happy…_

"Hey Misaki, what's the good news?"

Ryou glanced up, yanked back to the present, and snapped the phone closed to hide the messages from his interrupting classmate. He must have been smiling too obviously. "Nothing. Mind your own business."

"No, c'mon, spill! Was that your girlfriend?"

That obviously, really? "…Yeah, fine. New girlfriend," he said, because anything more truthful might just welcome trouble. And he suddenly hated that, and how easily he played along with it. So much for not tiptoeing around people.

* * *

**[Biwa]**  
I used to feel quite unfortunate, since I only became a fan of Endrance right before he lost his title in Demon Palace. But he's still shown up in some very dramatic battles since then, hasn't he? So when I got the chance to see him in Hy Brasail one last time, I couldn't resist! And because he looked more beautiful than ever, I couldn't resist turning it into a picture, either.

**[Katsura]**  
So that really happened? I'd heard rumours, but it sounded a little hard to believe.

But either way, it's a wonderful picture. The warm lighting, and the gentle expressions on their faces…somehow it makes me forget everything else I knew about them.

**[YamaImo]**  
You've certainly gone to plenty of effort for this joke! Don't you think it's a waste of talent?

**[Yukichi]**  
How romantic! A rivalry that develops into unexpected love, which can't help revealing itself as they gaze into a radiant sunset together. Doesn't it sound just like a fairytale? =)

**[Mayako (1/2)]**  
Oh, Endrance is actually a _girl?_ I thought that person had lots of female admirers, so I assumed she must be a young man, LOL. She's really tall, though!

**[This message was deleted by an administrator]**

**[Young Soldier 2]**  
Are you people crazy? There's no way those arena idols would be caught doing something so lame. Screenshots or it didn't happen.

**[kouki]**  
Um, it definitely happened. I have friends in Canard – that's the guild Haseo is master of, you know – and they told me about it. It's funny how accepting most people seem to be, but it just goes to show what a modern community The World is.

Or maybe people are more careful when it's two of the strongest players in the game getting hitched, LOL

**[Blue Eye Samurai]**  
_Oh, Endrance is actually a girl?_

No, Endrance is male, despite that bizarre outfit he's wearing (no offence to Biwa, who did an amazing job on it). Maybe he's a girl in real life, though? If not, well…

**[S]**  
W-what a slanderous image! There's no way Master En would do that with some stupid Haseo, not in a million years! Ugh, I'm so mad I can hardly type!


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Notes:_ Since this site strips the 'at' symbol from documents, I've had to refer to guild houses as at-homes, rather than...well, you know how it's supposed to be written in the games.

**Two**

Standing in Demon Palace was a bittersweet experience, tainted by memories of cruelty, the flawed beginnings of something brilliant and warm. Standing in Holy Palace was more positive, the place he'd first proved his new-blossomed devotion. Sage Palace was different again; Endrance recalled the twist of hurt in Haseo's voice when he thought he'd been betrayed, but also the look on his face when he realised the truth…

His musings were interrupted by the call of a high, familiar voice.

"Master En!"

"…Saku?" He didn't know what to expect from her; the last time they'd met was before his wedding. But if she felt slighted or angry then it wasn't Endrance's fault. She was a child, and he'd never encouraged her infatuation.

Surprisingly, she beamed up at him as if nothing had changed. In denial? "It's great to see you here! You're hardly ever in the arena anymore."

"Being Emperor doesn't interest me anymore." Which was true, though he'd come to watch a team heading for the next Sage Palace title match. He only cared because Haseo cared (and Haseo didn't care about the Emperor title itself; he just enjoyed a challenge now and then). Even the most pointless things gained meaning if he could relate them back to Haseo somehow.

"That's too bad, you know. Nobody else is half as cool as you," she declared. Then after glancing around, she asked, "So, um. You're here alone?"

"Haseo is with Shino today…" he said, responding to the question she'd really been asking. He wasn't jealous. Actually, he rather liked Shino. She was less intimidating than most women, and he knew she approved of him. It was important that Endrance and Shino be on good terms, even if they never got to know each other very well, just like it would have been important that Haseo be on good terms with Mia, if she were still around. Endrance understood that perfectly.

"Oh, I know her!" Saku grumbled, apparently not grateful to Shino for getting Haseo 'out of the way' for a day. "She owes me a whole bunch of items! Well, she owes Bo. He kept giving her stuff last time they partied, but those things don't grow on trees."

"What sort of items?"

"Wizard Tomes, Elven Drops, spellcaster stuff."

"…I've probably got some, if you need them soon?"

"Really? You're so generous, Master En – but it's not fair if you have to make up for someone else's mistake!"

"I don't often use them myself-" and Haseo had some rare accessory that automatically restored SP "-so it doesn't matter." Endrance turned to exit the stadium; the battle hadn't been interesting anyway. Haseo would easily defeat that team.

He wasn't sure why he was going out of his way to be kind to Saku, except…he'd been bracing himself for a tirade of hate against Haseo, and it hadn't come.

"Where are we going?" Saku asked, trailing after him.

"Tartarga. I have a guild key to Canard now, though I'm not an actual member… So the items are in storage."

Without saying anything more, he progressed through the Chaos Gate and then the Netslum's decaying architecture, to the at-home entrance.

The only other at-homes Endrance had seen were Raven's plain, functional base and Icolo's custom halls. Canard's was much grander than the former, and more to Endrance's tastes than the latter, with its pools of clear water and quaint little garden area. The only flaw was the guild mascot.

"Hey there, Romeo! Oink! Your boyfriend's not here, so don't bother hanging around!" announced Death Grunty (and although that was a typically obnoxious greeting, Endrance couldn't help enjoy hearing Haseo called his boyfriend). "And what about you, kid? What d'you want? Oink!"

Endrance blinked, and turned just in time to see Saku exiting the at-home. He hadn't known she possessed a key to Canard too; he'd assumed she'd wait for him outside.

Well, never mind. He didn't respond to the NPC, simply collecting the items and leaving. Saku wasn't far away, leaning against a wall and scuffing the toe of her shoe over the dull concrete ground. She didn't look up as Endrance approached, and didn't accept the trade he tried to make.

"Saku…?"

"It's so stupid," she mumbled. Endrance was silent, wary, wondering if he ought to reply or not. Saku looked up at him, her expression strained by something painful. "That's right, isn't it, Master En? I'm stupid for still being here, right?"

"Ah…"

"Just – keep the items, okay? I don't care!" she cried, and fled.

Endrance stared after her, baffled by that sudden turn of mood, and disconcerted. He didn't _like_ the way she usually fawned over him, or the way she pretended he was some poor innocent trapped under Haseo's spell – for the most part, he tuned it out – but he didn't like what had just happened, either. He didn't understand at all.

* * *

"So it's doing okay?" Ryou asked, looking at the potted cactus perched beneath a window, basking in pale sunlight. Shino tilted her head, smiling.

"Did you think I'd let it die?"

"Well, no. I guess it'd survive longer than this even if you ignored it." He rubbed the back of his neck, vaguely embarrassed. Quiet reigned for a while, only broken by the distant engine-rumble of a car driving past the house, the precise clink of china as Shino set her teacup down.

"Hey, Shino… When we first met offline, was I different than you thought I'd be?"

"No," she replied, with more certainty than he'd expected. "The World can be a mask that's easy to hide behind, but you're honest about the person you are. With me, anyway." A warmer smile, and Ryou glanced down, feeling like that had been a compliment. "Sometimes more than you mean to be, really. Haha…"

"Did you ever meet anyone besides me and Ovan?"

"I have. You know, even Gord's player doesn't behave too differently from her character. We've gotten back in touch after she started playing The World again."

"Her? You mean he's really a girl?" Ryou gave a surprised laugh; Shino nodded. "I wouldn't have known."

"Is there someone else you'd like to meet?" she asked, and when he hesitated too long, added, "Endrance?" Not slyly suggestive or over-enthusiastic, and of course not disapproving either, not Shino. Just calm and genuinely interested.

No point denying it, then. "He's in Kanagawa Prefecture, so it's not too bad a journey."

"Meeting somebody like that isn't the same as meeting someone who's just a friend though, is it? In a way, there's more pressure to get along well."

"That's why I want to do it now."

"That, and you'd simply like to see him, right? Do you already know what he looks like?"

"Yeah, we traded pictures a while back."

"Would you mind if I saw?"

Ryou sighed in exaggerated impatience and took out his phone, bringing up a photo before handing it over. It did feel strange discussing Kaoru like this, but in a way it was nice, too. He couldn't mention this topic to anyone else without lying somehow, and even if he didn't need advice or want to give out many details, he liked sharing the simple fact of 'this person makes me happy right now'.

"Oh, that was the delete key-?" Shino's hand flew to her mouth in alarm.

Ryou froze, then scowled, seeing through the act. "You didn't really."

"I couldn't resist that worried look on your face." She handed the phone back with a soft, mischievous laugh; the picture was still intact. "You're lucky, though. You two make a handsome couple."

Coming from a woman he'd had a major crush on, once upon a time, that was kind of a weird statement to hear. "What am I meant to say to that?"

"Sorry, am I teasing too much? But it's nice to have someone in real life you can talk to, isn't it?"

"I've dated girls before. I never talked about them much to anyone, either." He paused. "I guess it's not the same, though."

"So Endrance is a first? I see…"

"See what?" Ryou asked crossly.

Most of the time, he didn't want to think of that as too big a deal. He'd always sort of noticed some guys, as well as girls, and wondered if it would really be so bad to… Anyway, he'd decided it was fine to think stuff like that (even if it was less fine to admit it). He hadn't really considered dating another guy, though. Not until Kaoru came along, so insistent that his feelings weren't plain platonic affection, and _made_ Ryou consider it.

Being in The World made it easier. A lot of people felt more secure, more able to be themselves there – the ones who weren't 'hiding behind masks', anyway – and it was detached from 'real' consequences, up to a point. Nothing could get out of control.

"It was sweet, watching your wedding. You both took it all so seriously."

"Seriously? You mean you didn't think the bride thing was a joke?"

"Neither of you are the type to make jokes like that, are you?"

"Glad _someone_ figured it out," Ryou said, and Shino looked pleased.

He headed home a while later, but a heap of everyday duties took priority over logging into The World. He did check his inbox quickly, and was greeted with a trio of new emails. The first was from Endrance.

_I've been trying to text you, but my phone was acting oddly… It's not that I had anything important to say really, but if you've tried to contact me and it hasn't been getting through, I'm sorry…_

Well, even if Ryou _had_ been trying, it wasn't as if he sat around biting his nails in between messages. Still, it was nice to be informed, he supposed. He typed up a reply.

_Don't worry about it. I'll be online by nine. We can do something together then, if you want._

The second email was from Silabus, just chatting about a quest they'd been on recently. As for the last one…it wasn't from anyone he knew, but he recognised the sender. Wasn't that the name of a big gaming website? He'd been there, but didn't have any type of membership or subscription, so why would they contact him?

Ryou skimmed the message, and gave an incredulous laugh. Was this thing actually for real? A while back he would have dismissed it instantly, but now…he'd have to think before giving a reply.

* * *

Kaoru was out walking again, restless. He had a lot on his mind.

Ryou cared for him, he didn't doubt that in the slightest - but now these plans to meet up were taking shape, he wasn't sure if he ought to embrace them or pause to catch his breath.

In the time he'd known Mia, they never spoke of meeting offline (even before he found out why that was impossible). He'd imagined what the player behind her PC ought to look like, but that was all. His shyness prevented anything more.

But Ryou was perfectly at ease in the real world, so of course he'd think nothing of wanting to meet. He'd be just as confident, just as charismatic, he wouldn't falter over anything. And Kaoru couldn't banish the fear of disappointing him. Of getting something terribly wrong, being tripped up by atrophied social skills, making Ryou regret his choice to look Kaoru's way.

He'd never had friends in real life, not the sort he'd invite home and do…whatever friends did together after school. Not since he was a small child, and friendship was a loose concept based around sharing toys without squabbling. After that he'd just drifted, not ostracised but seldom invited past the periphery of things. And that was the closest to normal it had ever been. He'd certainly never _dated_ anyone.

When they first started exchanging emails, Endrance hadn't hesitated to say how he'd love to meet Haseo outside of The World. He'd had nothing to lose anyway. Now he had so much…but still, there was no choice but to step forward, was there? No choice but to be brave, to hope that if he faltered, Ryou would forgive and let him make amends. To trust in the strength of what they'd built between them…

If he could just hold Ryou in his arms, wouldn't everything be okay? He didn't recall how it felt, to be that near to somebody; people had always made him too uncomfortable. But that wouldn't matter, would it? Even if there were things he didn't know firsthand, he could learn. He'd do whatever was asked of him, so long as it made Ryou happy. Anything.

Kaoru felt foolish, that all this wasn't happening exactly as he'd dreamed (he'd dreamed enough that he ought to be more accurate). He'd thought that if only Ryou cared for him, nothing would ever be unclear again. As if the world would stand still around them. But…

But it was no good thinking this way, sabotaging himself with all these doubts. He took a deep breath, and turned to look at the ocean.

It was colder today – colder than it ought to be at this time of year, supposedly. And raining, but he didn't mind that; rain really did mean that other people stayed indoors. He hoped it would clear up by the weekend, though. He didn't want it to cause Ryou any bother.

On the downside, it was probably too gloomy to take pictures. He wished Ryou would send more of those. Not just of the things he'd already shown – himself, his school, the nice little apartment block where he lived – but all kinds of things. Anything that caught his eye while he was out, anywhere he'd like to go with Kaoru someday, so that for a moment it might seem like they were already in the same place, looking in the same direction. But that was silly, so Kaoru wouldn't ask. He was already being treated so generously.

Besides, maybe he wanted to stay curious about some things, until he really was there in person. Though he could venture a short distance outside without being devoured by panic now, travelling all the way to Tokyo seemed so far-fetched…but he wanted it badly enough, so one day he'd be able to. Then they could take pictures side by side.

* * *

"It's me," Ryou called, stepping into the hallway with its polished pine floorboards. No reply, no sounds of life. He went to the foot of the stairs, where a tall vase of opaque, smoky black glass stood; there used to be a different type of ornament here, when he was a kid, but he'd knocked it over accidentally. One memory that hadn't blurred into nothing. "Mom? Anyone home?" he called up, but there was only silence. He must be early.

He went into the living room, switched on the television and dumped his school bag on the sofa (some ultra-modern design that was more fashionable than comfortable). Flicked idly between channels before settling on something semi-interesting – a show on Doll Syndrome. You saw less and less about it these days; people had short attention spans, were already moving on and filling their heads with all kinds of other crap, no matter how serious the threat had been. In a way it was good, not stressing too much, but in another it was annoyingly careless. Dismissive.

The woman being interviewed on this show, though, she explained how she'd banned her kids from computers altogether. All three had been affected with Doll Syndrome, in various states of severity, and now she wanted to take them to a technology-free life out in the countryside. A debate went back and forth about whether she was overreacting; Ryou's interest waned.

After his own childhood illness, his parents had driven him crazy. The doctors never figured out the coma's cause, so for a long time there'd been fear he might relapse. Collapse and not be lucky enough to wake again, or become a total amnesiac. He hadn't been so young and dense that he couldn't sense that fear in people, catching flickers of it whenever he was over-tired, whenever he had headaches, whenever something slipped his mind in the way that happens to everyone. And he'd hated it, that sense of helplessness, the idea of living on borrowed time. Hated being treated as something delicate, began acting up just to prove that he was fine, he was capable. He was a _fighter_, didn't they get it?

Eventually they got it. That was a rare time he'd appreciated his father; he overheard his parents rowing once, his father insisting that he couldn't be wrapped in cotton wool for the rest of his life. He had to be normal again. And now he was, for whatever it was worth. Sometimes being tough on somebody was the kindest thing to do.

He heard the front door opening, and after a pause, his mother's voice. "Ryou?"

"In here," he called, and the thin figure of Mrs Misaki appeared in the doorway.

She glanced to the television, where the Doll Syndrome mother was saying how she'd sold her family's computers to help fund their lifestyle change. She didn't comment aloud on it, but the look on her face clearly said _What's that rubbish?_ "Give me two minutes and then we'll start. I need help moving some things around."

"Whatever you want," he replied, with a bored shrug. His relationship with his parents wasn't perfect, but he could show up if they asked, most of the time. His mother had been running around for weeks, helping to prepare for a niece's wedding in ways Ryou didn't really know or care about. He'd considered himself lucky to be left out of it until now (he had a wedding of his own to focus on, after all).

"There's more to do than I realised," she said. "Are you busy this weekend?"

"Yeah, actually."

"Very busy?"

"I've got homework, I've got housework, I've got my job." And most importantly, he had half-organised plans with Kaoru, but he doubted that would carry the same weight of persuasion.

His mother made a dubious, displeased humming sound, turning away. "At least you were early today. Turn that off and come on, then."


	3. Chapter 3

The train sped along its rails, perfectly on time. Ryou didn't pay much attention to the scenery outside; the skies were overcast, colours muted and drained from unremarkable views. Every so often he checked his phone, making sure no new texts had arrived (even though he'd get an alert noise if that happened). Kaoru really should text back soon. Ryou knew which station to get off at, but still needed directions to Kaoru's house. Or he could find directions himself, using one of his phone's hundreds of special features - if he had a destination address. But he didn't. Minutes crept by, one station after another swept past the window.

He sent another text: _Hurry up, will you? I'm almost here._ But it wasn't like he was worried, not seriously. Anticipation bubbled up far stronger than annoyance.

And this was his stop. As soon as he'd stepped off the train he tried to call Kaoru up, but a sharp chime and an automated voice informed him that the number was unavailable. Well, _perfect_. Had that ancient phone of Kaoru's decided to screw up again? Was that it?

Ryou sighed, wondering what his next move should be. He didn't have a number for the land line in Kaoru's house – assuming there was one – but Kaoru could call him from that, right? Unless the problem was bigger than that. Damn it. If only Kaoru were normal, they could've arranged to meet here directly and avoided this mess. Getting this far, and then being held up by something so stupid...

After a few more minutes – spent pacing around the platform, slouching into an uncomfortably cold metal seat, and then getting up to pace some more – impatience persuaded him that it'd be okay to leave the station, at least. He didn't have a clear idea of what he'd do after that, but he'd never been the type to just give up and wait for a solution to fall into his lap. Maybe inspiration would strike once he was out.

He walked out into the street, ready to try calling again. Glanced around, just to take in the surroundings...and what the hell, there was Kaoru! That really was him, wasn't it? That tall, pale-haired young man with the posture that screamed 'I wish I was invisible', leaning against a wall, focused on his phone and thoroughly ignoring everything around him. It couldn't be anyone else.

It was ridiculous how the very first glimpse made Ryou's heart skip like some silly teenager with a cru – well, fine, he _was_ a teenager with a crush, but still. Kaoru hadn't noticed him yet, though. He walked over, smiling at this unexpectedly perfect solution to their problem, moved to touch Kaoru's arm and catch his attention.

Kaoru flinched, suddenly realising that someone was in his personal space, dropped his phone in shock and let it clatter to the pavement. Ryou drew breath to apologise, but then their eyes met and Kaoru's whole expression changed, melting from a tight, anxious frown into affectionate relief. He gave a quiet gasp of recognition, raised a hand but then faltered, drawing it back to his own chest rather than making contact.

Honestly, he looked like he wanted to wrap Ryou up in a hug, and Ryou might just have let him get away with it, if he'd dared.

"Um, here," Ryou said, and Kaoru blinked, glancing at the dropped phone like it had completely slipped his mind. They both knelt to retrieve it; Ryou was quicker, passed it along (though he didn't imagine the fall had damaged the stupid thing any more than it already was).

"I'm so sorry," Kaoru said as they stood up, smile fading back into anxiety. "I couldn't get it to work at all, and I – I didn't know what else to do, so I realised I'd have to come here myself…" He clutched at the collar of his coat, and Ryou realised that Kaoru was still kind of freaked out, just by standing here.

"Don't worry about it," he replied. "How long were you waiting?"

"…I'm not sure. Half an hour? But I don't mind that," Kaoru said, though in a way he obviously did. "I could wait forever, for you…"

"Well, thanks. Shall we get out of here?" Ryou asked, and Kaoru gave a quick nod.

Keeping pace with him wasn't exactly easy; he was in a clear hurry to get home, but kept hesitating, then veering like he'd just barely corrected himself from going the wrong way. He stuck close to Ryou, so that their shoulders kept knocking – and every time that happened he'd jump a little, murmur an apology in that soft voice that had sounded so calm over the phone. It was one thing to know that someone hated being outside, and another to see the evidence. Ryou wasn't sure how to handle it, other than acting like everything was fine.

"Why don't you get a new phone?"

"Hm? No, I couldn't…" A pedestrian crossing's lights flashed green, but Kaoru stayed on the pavement for several seconds before starting to cross.

"Why not?"

"I'd lose everything saved on this one…all the messages, the pictures you've sent. I never delete a thing, you know."

Ryou considered that. He wasn't very thorough when it came to clearing out his emails, and after Azure Kite's Data Drain made him lose all Shino's old messages, he'd felt terrible. "I guess I can be the same."

"Really? I wasn't sure if you'd be that sentimental," Kaoru said, seeming happy about it.

"It's not sentimental. It's just not getting rid of what's important."

"…Do you have any texts from me saved?"

"Yeah, some of them," Ryou replied, with a shrug. Kaoru smiled, then gave another sharp flinch as his shoulder bumped a stranger's, recoiling towards Ryou with a stammered sound that might have been the beginning of an apology. "Calm down," Ryou said, placing a hand on his arm briefly to steady him. Kaoru swallowed, nodded, drew and let out a breath and carried on walking.

"I'm sorry, it shouldn't be much further…"

"You don't have to apologise."

"I've been trying to get better, I just…I didn't expect I'd have to go out alone today."

"Stop thinking about it. Anyway, you can still get a new phone. There's a thing that lets you connect your old model to a computer and save your stuff onto the hard drive," Ryou said, and then, "What's wrong?"

Kaoru had brought them to a halt on a street corner, and was glancing to and fro with that same distressed look as before, messing with his collar again. "It, it's nothing… Just…"

"_Don't_ tell me you're lost."

"It's…been a while since I was out here, and there are things I don't recognise."

"Give me your address," Ryou said, bringing out his phone.

Kaoru told him, peering over Ryou's shoulder to see what he'd do. Not touching, just watching. "Ah… I should make sure my new phone has that feature, too."

"Definitely." A few button presses and a map filled the screen, with a line pointing away from their current location. "Okay. We need to head back this way."

Kaoru made a compliant noise, but he was focused on Ryou's face, not the street.

"What are you staring at?"

"Your eyes…"

"Hmph." Ryou turned away. He knew they were weird, irises the same bloody hue as Haseo's. For a while he'd wanted to darken them with tinted contact lenses, before deciding that he didn't give a damn what other people thought.

"In your pictures, I thought it was a fault with the camera that made them look red… But they're really like that. Like roses in bloom," Kaoru declared, in such a dreamy tone that Ryou couldn't help laughing.

"Man, that's what you think?" He shook his head to dismiss the compliment, but it was nice. The most anyone had ever said before was that red eyes were what some 'badass villain' would have. "C'mon, we can't stand here all day."

Kaoru seemed a little better after that, now Ryou was the one leading them.

* * *

It didn't go without hitches, but in all honesty, Kaoru hadn't expected it to. He'd felt awkward, anxious not to appear either too forward or too cold, stumbling towards the proper balance, but…eventually, it settled into place. They didn't do anything special, just talked about whatever came to mind, grew used to each other's presence, played a few games – though Ryou berated Kaoru for not having anything multi-player – did the sort of things that Kaoru imagined normal offline friends would do. The fact he was around Ryou made it special enough.

So when Ryou announced it was time to get going, it heaped nothing but dismay onto Kaoru's heart. And then longing, as they stood opposite each other on the doorstep, and Kaoru said, "Ryou, I… I'm so glad you came to see me today."

"Yeah, me too." And it was okay that he spoke in his usual direct manner, never bared tender feelings the way Kaoru did. The warmth in him was subtle, but present.

"Would you, um…" He wanted to ask if Ryou would visit again, but that might seem too pushy. Instead he hesitated, then put on a glowing smile. "Have a safe journey home. And thank you, so much…"

Would it be okay to touch his face, though? Kaoru reached out slowly, giving Ryou time to halt it, and brushed his fingertips over one cheek. Moments passed, and it coaxed a smile from Ryou, but then Kaoru had to let his hand fall, wishing so hard for more that it almost hurt, a dull tightness in his chest. Didn't Ryou want to kiss him, hold him before they parted ways? Was that okay online, but not here? If Kaoru wasn't certain then he couldn't initiate anything himself; he couldn't risk making Ryou uncomfortable. But…had he already done something wrong, if Ryou didn't want to get any closer than this?

"I'll call y- no, I'll _email_ you once I get back."

"Right… Goodbye, Ryou."

"Bye, Kaoru." And then he turned, was walking away – and Kaoru couldn't bear to lose sight of him yet, so slipped into shoes and followed him onto the pavement, to watch until he reached the end of the street. It was a bittersweet feeling, trying to banish foolish disappointments at what hadn't happened, focusing on the gratitude of all that had.

A strong breeze made Kaoru shiver. He jumped at a sudden bang, and glanced towards the house.

The door was shut. Had it swung closed in that breeze? He hurried to check, pushed against it, but it was sealed fast, and – and he didn't have a key, did he? Or a phone, or anything. Trapped outside.

Panic skittered through him. He had no idea what to do, but Ryou might know. Kaoru hesitated, then hurried down the street after him, until he turned around with a curious look. "Ryou! I…" He searched for the words, feeling thoroughly stupid. "I think I've shut myself out."

"You're kidding, right?" Ryou sighed, a mix of exasperation and amusement in his voice. "Guess I can't wander off and leave you stuck, huh?"

Kaoru wasn't sure if that was rhetorical or not, but Ryou began walking with him back to the house, so he supposed it must have been. "I'm sorry to be a bother…"

"Is there no spare key hidden somewhere?"

"I don't know…"

They searched, but there weren't many places a key could be hidden, and in a way Kaoru was glad they didn't find anything. It didn't seem very secure to have one lying around outside the house. Ryou's next idea was that they call Kaoru's mother, but Kaoru didn't know her number, since he'd never bothered contacting her like this before. They sat down side by side on the doorstep, at a loss.

"…Don't you need to catch a train?"

"Yeah, but it's kind of a bad ending if I go off and leave you like this, isn't it?"

"I don't want to inconvenience you… You've done so much already."

"You don't want me to stick around, then?"

Kaoru bit his lip. Selfishly, of course he wanted Ryou to stay. He wanted him to stay forever, if that were possible, and didn't relish the thought of being left here alone. "…I'd be okay."

"It's not-" Ryou began, but didn't finish that sentence. "Oh, sorry. I get it. Would it be awkward if your parents met me?"

Kaoru hadn't even considered anything like that. "No, that isn't what I meant…"

"No? Okay then," Ryou said, and didn't move.

If Kaoru had more courage he'd lean in, curl an arm around Ryou to share body heat. They weren't really in a place where he could do that, though - in more ways than one. So he just wrapped his arms around himself, pulled his sleeves over his hands to shield them from the chill in the air. Evening was drawing in.

"Have you heard of a gaming site called Tenth Dimension?"

"I have, why?"

"Sometimes they do interviews, like with developers or people who've won big tournaments. Apparently they want one with Haseo now. I got an email last week."

"Really? That's amazing… I'd love to see it. I remember that news article about you, too."

"Heh, I didn't know about that one beforehand, so it was kind of a shock."

"I was pleased to see you acknowledged like that," Kaoru said, and added teasingly, "…'But when he smiles, he looks like a kid. It's so cute!'" Naturally, he'd read it so many times that he had its text memorised.

"Oh man, that quote..." Ryou grinned, rubbing at the back of his neck in an embarrassed gesture (and in Kaoru's opinion, 'cute' barely began to cover it). Then he turned to look at Kaoru. "Hey, are you cold?"

"Well, I'm not used to being stuck out in winter without a coat…" Kaoru replied, trying not to sound too complaining, but hoping Ryou might take the hint and move closer. The temperature did feel unusually low for this time of year.

"Want to find a convenience store and get something to eat?" Not waiting for an answer, Ryou stood up and said, "C'mon, the journey'll warm you up too."

There was no choice but to nod and follow, really. Ryou appeared to be using his phone for directions again, so Kaoru kept quiet and concentrated on walking beside him (slowing and ducking behind when they had to pass other people). The streets were busier than before. Kaoru felt peculiar, afflicted by mild vertigo, like he might stumble and bump right into someone just because he so badly didn't want to.

Suddenly Ryou halted, fixing Kaoru with a steady gaze, as if he was considering something. "Hey. You're not getting freaked out, are you?"

He didn't know how to answer; he wanted to be strong and say no, didn't want to seem pathetic – but he didn't want to lie, either.

"Because, uh. If it'd make you feel better, we could hold hands or something."

"Ryou…" And Kaoru couldn't help hesitating again. It was a wonderful offer, and of course he wanted to say yes, wanted the comfort of that contact to guide him. But…to outsiders, wouldn't it draw attention? He already felt as if every eye they passed was fixed on him, gazes jabbing into him, leaping to critical conclusions based on every tiny detail…

"Never mind," Ryou said, casually shrugging the idea off; Kaoru had been silent for too long. And then he was walking again, and Kaoru was following, fretting over the missed opportunity.

The store they ended up in was large and bright, with a few other customers: teenage girls choosing sweets, a middle-aged man browsing magazines. Kaoru hadn't set foot here for years. As a child, sometimes his mother would ask him to pick things up on the way home from school, but if the store was busy he'd just hurry home, give back the money and claim he'd forgotten, then go switch his computer on (and when she tried to bribe him, saying he could buy treats for himself too, that didn't work either). What a nuisance he'd been. He followed Ryou down an aisle stocked with colourful drinks.

"I'm paying, okay? Get whatever you want," Ryou said, picking out a carton of coffee.

"Ah, thanks…" Kaoru tried to reassure himself that he wasn't being a nuisance right now; Ryou wasn't acting as if he was (and Ryou didn't put up with nonsense from anyone). But…something else didn't feel quite right. He glanced over the top of the aisle, and caught the girls with the sweets staring, a split-second of direct, uncomfortable eye contact before he looked away hastily. It hadn't been his imagination. They were staring.

Ryou noticed, too. He looked between Kaoru and the girls, then said in a _very_ clear voice, "Hey, are they checking you out?" Not the least bit jealous, but more like he found it entertaining. The girls turned away in a burst of nervous, muffled giggles; Kaoru was speechless, not sure if he ought to be grateful or mortified. "So what kind did you want?" Ryou continued, all attention back on the drinks. If only Kaoru could be as bold as that.

After they'd left the store, the walk back didn't promise to be any less stressful, but he made himself cope. And then, at last, made himself do more than cope. As they were waiting to cross a road, he reached shyly over to touch Ryou's sleeve, then his hand, hoping the earlier offer hadn't been the only chance for this. Ryou responded at once, fingers linking together, and Kaoru drew a breath of happy relief. He glanced sideways; Ryou was still looking straight ahead at the road, but smiling. It didn't soothe all of Kaoru's nerves, but it transmuted them into something else, a bright, brittle kind of energy to help him move forward. They were holding hands, like a real couple, and nothing else was allowed to matter half as much as that.

When they finally reached home, Ryou didn't return to the doorstep; instead he led them around the side of the house, to the gate that separated the front and back gardens, with bins lined up beside it.

"…What are you doing?"

"You don't want to sit out here and eat, right?"

"The gate's latch is on the other side… I'm afraid you can't open it from here."

"I'll climb over."

Kaoru blinked, but didn't argue as Ryou handed him the bag of food, then began a scramble onto the lid of the bin nearest the gate, using the fence for balance. Then he was hauling himself over, and then only his hands were visible, clinging onto the wood – and then there was a thud, as he dropped to the ground on the other side.

"Ow," Ryou muttered.

"Are you okay?" Kaoru asked, nervous when there wasn't an instant reply.

The latch clicked, and the gate swung open to reveal Ryou triumphant. He really was amazingly bold; Kaoru would never have thought to do anything like that. But it was much nicer to be in the back garden, more secluded and secure. Ryou spread his coat over the grass, under a part of the fence that was still in sunlight, and they sat side by side. Kaoru still felt a bit cold, and he didn't have much of an appetite either, but that was beside the point. In a way it was romantic, wasn't it? A picnic at sunset…

"You know, I'm surprised there aren't any roses."

"No… It isn't usually me who's out here."

"I guess not. That one's flowering pretty late," Ryou remarked, indicating a large plant with tapering streams of cerise blossoms.

"…It's called Love Lies Bleeding, I think."

"Cheerful."

"It's a type of amaranth. There's a tale I read somewhere… The amaranth envied how beautiful and well-loved the rose was, but the rose knew its beauty would fade after only a short time, while the plainer amaranth would endure…"

"So it's like a metaphor?"

"Yes… I don't want to believe that it's always a choice between one or the other, though. Something beautiful, or something that can last…"

"Doesn't have to be, if you try," Ryou said, and then, "This one's yours," as he got down to the business of dividing out their food.

They spoke less then, naturally, but Kaoru didn't mind. Just being together was always enough, doing simple, companionable things like sharing a meal and enjoying the fresh air – how long had it been since he'd experienced anything like this? Pathetically simple things, and he'd all but forgotten them. But in a way, that was okay. It meant he could appreciate them more now, and it was still true that Ryou could make anything special.

The food was better than expected, too. He'd originally meant to get whatever type of meal Ryou did, rather than waste time choosing something different, but that plan was dashed when Ryou began choosing things full of meat. Loving someone didn't necessarily mean liking everything else they liked. Never mind.

After a while, Ryou began shifting about, glancing back at the fence with a slight frown.

"Everything okay…?"

"Yeah, just getting comfortable."

"You can lean on me instead?" Kaoru suggested. Ryou made a quiet sound of amusement. "Do you think I was joking?"

A long pause, before Ryou leaned to the side a little, his shoulder pressed to Kaoru's. It was amazing how every new gesture, things most people wouldn't even think about, could make Kaoru's heart soar gloriously.

Neither of them did more than pick at their food after that, and then Ryou brought his phone out, asking, "What time do your parents usually get in?"

"I don't pay attention… I think my mother gets in earlier than my stepfather, though." A small clarification there.

"It's almost seven already."

"If you need to head home…"

"No, it's fine," Ryou insisted. As he put the phone away, Kaoru noticed the hand that'd held it looked sore, scraped by that climb over the fence.

"Oh, doesn't that hurt?"

"That's fine too. Quit fussing." He smiled as he said that, so Kaoru assumed he wasn't really annoyed. He leaned against Kaoru more heavily (though he wasn't heavy at all).

"You'd rather I didn't care…?" Kaoru asked, and Ryou gave another amused kind of sigh; they both knew that wasn't going to happen. "I don't think I could help it, even if I wasn't supposed to. You're far too wonderful… I know that even more after today."

Ryou tilted his head, keeping that small, thoughtful smile. Kaoru couldn't get over how beautiful he was; it wasn't that the sunset was striking his face in an especially dazzling way, or anything dramatic like that, but to Kaoru there was beauty in every aspect of him. Strong and kind and endlessly fascinating. Before him, Kaoru had never really desired anyone, never felt that intensity of focus towards one person (much as he adored Mia, they didn't approach each other in a romantic light). He'd assumed it was simply one more way he was broken. Now, however…

Ryou shifted position, until their knees bumped lightly and their foreheads almost touched. They shared the same air in soft, anticipatory breaths; Kaoru was too awed to speak. And then they moved just a little more, a little closer.

As Endrance, he'd told himself that kissing Haseo was just as good as anything reality could offer. But oh, this was nothing like The World. Here it felt so much _warmer_, full of subtle sensations a game couldn't hope to capture, and an unexpected gentleness (Kaoru'd imagined Ryou as the type to pin someone up against a wall in passion, which was thrilling in theory but probably a bit nerve-wracking in actuality, at least for now). When they parted Kaoru didn't open his eyes, trying to draw the precious moment out for as long as he could. Ryou kissed him again. And then again, slowly, like this was precious to him as well.

Kaoru took hold of Ryou's hand once more, not too tight so as not to hurt the abrasions. And though his heart wouldn't stop racing, he accepted that it wasn't about to burst. It could, though, with all the elation of being wanted. Wanted enough for this, to be treated with care, blessed with a taste of the quiet intimacy that was all he'd ever longed for. Ryou felt he was worth it.

He was happy to lose track of time; he had no idea how much of it passed between that first kiss, and their eventual interruption.

The sound of the kitchen door opening. Kaoru jumped as if he'd been struck, in silent alarm. Their hands slipped away from each other.

"Kaoru? There you – oh!" His mother's voice, full of surprise to find him with company.

Had she seen anything? With the way the door opened, probably not. But Kaoru didn't want to turn and look at her, as if it would be obvious then, as if he carried some lingering brand. His face did feel hot, so maybe he was blushing (and his stomach hurt with an entirely different type of nerves to what he'd felt before, a weight of disappointment mixed in, and a sharp resentment that was alien to him). How did people deal with situations like this?

Ryou apparently knew, diving to the rescue. "Um, hi there. My name's Misaki Ryou. I don't know if Kaoru's mentioned me," he said, and ducked his head in a slight bow, suddenly all dignified politeness. As a matter of fact, Kaoru hadn't; he wasn't talkative anyway, and Ryou was a topic too cherished to share without good cause.

"It's nice to meet you, then," said Kaoru's mother. Still surprised, but not unfriendly (but couldn't she have arrived home just a few minutes later?).

"You too. I'll be leaving now, though. I was just staying around until Kaoru could get back in the house. We, er, got shut out by accident."

"Well, come inside for a minute first."

"Thanks," Ryou said. "Kaoru?"

"I'll clear this up," Kaoru replied, and watched as Ryou followed Mrs Ichinose inside the house. Somehow he wasn't worried about them talking to each other; Ryou couldn't fail to make a good impression. The fact that he'd made friends with Kaoru and lured him away from the computer, that probably won points already.

He gathered up the mostly-empty containers from their dinner, folded Ryou's coat neatly over one arm – resisting the temptation to do anything silly like hug it close and bury his face in the fabric - and crept into the house, trying to eavesdrop on what they were saying.

"Tokyo. I caught the train down today." That was Ryou's voice.

"I see." A pause. "I know my son can be a little strange, but please be kind to him."

"Of course. He's an important person to me."

Kaoru smiled; he didn't mind at all that he'd been called strange.

But…this really was the time for goodbyes now. They left his mother behind, and Kaoru followed Ryou out of the front door, letting it swing almost-closed behind them. That sense of regret was rising again, but not so acutely as before. Now it was tempered by a greater sense of security, contentment, something almost like accomplishment. Despite all Kaoru's little failings, he trusted that Ryou would be back.

"Careful you don't get locked out again."

"That wouldn't matter now…" Kaoru raised his hand to caress Ryou's cheek, just as he'd done earlier – but this time he didn't leave it at that. He leaned down, pressed a kiss to Ryou's lips and held there for several moments, wanting to convey all the tenderness, all the euphoria in him. He could still barely get over the fact that he was allowed to do this now, to share this much affection.

"Bye," Ryou murmured, smiling. As he walked away, he kept glancing back over his shoulder, until he was lost from sight. Kaoru stayed on the doorstep for a while longer anyway, before the cold persuaded him back indoors.

He meant to head straight to his room, as usual, but his mother was too quick, catching him in the hall.

"He seemed nice," she said, in a tone that sounded genuine. Kaoru wasn't sure how to reply, though. He probably shouldn't correct her on how much of an understatement 'nice' was, should he?

"Yes…"

"Is that the person you're always calling?" she asked. He felt brief, startling indignation, imagining he'd been eavesdropped on, before she added, "I'm the one who gets the bills, you know."

"Ah… Actually, my phone hasn't been working well lately." Might as well seize the opportunity while they were on the right topic. "…Would it be okay if I bought a new one?"

"Do you want to choose it online?" she asked. He nodded. "That's fine. You know my credit details."

"Thanks…" He made to step away and finally escape to his room.

"Kaoru? If your friend wants to visit again, let me know if there's anything I can do." A smile flickered across her usually tired face. He nodded again, grateful, and made himself smile back at her.


	4. Chapter 4

Ryou was busy, after a fashion: trawling through dust-smothered boxes of junk to confirm that yes, it really was junk, and his mother could easily have thrown it out without calling him over. Everything of value was in his apartment, not left here in his old room at his parents' house. She probably just wanted to ambush him with more tasks, while he was around. She'd been doing that a lot lately.

Broken colouring pencils, a scuffed-looking camera, batteries that looked like the CC Iron ones from his M2D; maybe he'd used them in some other gaming device. Nothing interesting. He pushed that box aside and reached for another. This one was full of books: novels and manga, school exercise books, magazines creased and crammed in every which way.

"How are you doing, Ryou?" his mother called, from elsewhere in the house.

"Fine." He pulled out a gaming magazine, attention caught by the cover's promise of a special feature on The World. But this thing was published before R:2's release, so it must be about the original version. R:1?

"You're staying for dinner, aren't you?"

"Sure." If he was going to spend all evening sorting this out, at least he wouldn't have to bother cooking for himself (like he did most days). He wondered how long it would be before he got the 'oh, your father's held up at work, he can't join us' message.

Ryou flicked through the magazine, looking for that special feature. It was dated 2009, when R:1 was apparently still new. There were screenshots of fields and Root Towns, overviews of classes, nothing remarkable. His curiosity faded; it was just a coincidence that he'd read about the game so long ago, and surprising the magazines had survived this long. Maybe he should try being a tidier person.

He glanced at the next magazine in the pile, and oddly enough, that one was boasting an article on The World too. More screenshots, hints on completing quests – and the younger Ryou had scribbled on some of the pages, calculations in faded ink. Working out the game's monthly fees? Wow, that was weird. He'd actually wanted to play it. He couldn't remember wanting that, but 2009 and 2010 were the years he'd lost most pieces of.

He decided to check one more magazine. Dated months after the others, winter 2009. It talked about some new boss monster called The One Sin…and there were more scribbles. Lists of area words. What the hell?

Ryou climbed to his feet with a wary, unsettled feeling, and headed down to the kitchen, still holding that last magazine. His mother was on the phone, so he leafed through the pages some more until she was done. Nothing in these images looked familiar…

"Oh! Ryou, I didn't see you there. Done already?"

"No, but-"

"It's your responsibility to clear out that room. I can't make guests stay in that tip."

He ignored that. "Hey, did I ever play an online game called The World?"

They didn't often talk about the blanks in his memory, but he tried to make the question sound casual. His mother gave him a measured glance, a slight frown, no stronger a reaction than that.

"You found that magazine up there?"

"Yeah. So did I ever play?"

"For a while, before you got bored of it."

Just bored? That was plausible enough, but… "I wasn't playing around the time I got sick, then?"

"No. That was the decorators on the phone, by the way. They'll be here Friday, so you need to be finished before then." Which meant 'we're not talking about The World anymore'. Ryou knew he'd get no more out of her than that.

Good thing he had someone who'd discuss it more openly. He returned to his room, sat down on the soon-to-be-replaced carpet, leaned back against the soon-to-be-repainted wall, and took out his phone to call Kaoru.

It rang for longer than usual, and Kaoru's greeting sounded drowsy, voice wrapped in hazy warmth. Had he been sleeping, at this time of day? Man, what an easy life. Ryou couldn't feel too sorry for disturbing him.

"Hi. Can I ask something?"

"Of course, anything…"

"You played the original version of The World, right?"

"That's right…" A quiet, muffled yawn, and the rustle of fabric.

"Back then, were there already rumours about players falling into comas? Anything like Doll Syndrome?"

"…It happened to several players. CC Corp covered it up then as well, but thankfully they woke up."

Simple as that, Kaoru said it. Honestly, Ryou wasn't sure what he'd expected to hear, but it hadn't been such a definite, straightforward 'yes'. He shifted uncomfortably, fidgeting with one of the drawstrings on his hoodie. "Do you know why?"

"Well… Technically, it was the Eight Phases. They were different, they weren't… Most of them weren't attached to players, but influenced by a stronger AI named Morganna."

"Like the 'Morganna Factor'? And it wanted people hurt?"

"Yes…" Kaoru sounded almost apologetic. "That's how the Second Network Crisis came about. A group of players stopped it, though… For a while at least, they made things okay…"

So it was around the time of that Crisis? Yeah, that added up. Also…in a way, it sounded like Kaoru was giving insider information. An unexpected amount of detail, which he seemed very certain about. Ryou was silent for a moment, considering it. Then he asked, "You know because you helped, didn't you?"

"I…suppose I did, in the end."

Comas, the Eight Phases, a Crisis sparked by The World – Kaoru'd really seen it all twice? It was strange he'd never mentioned it before, but he didn't tend to brag about his achievements. Ryou could believe it.

He paused again, still messing with the drawstring, twisting it between his fingers. "I was in a coma myself. When I was ten. I woke up right after the Crisis, with gaps in my memory. Nobody could say why." It felt strange sharing that with somebody new. He'd never done it before; there'd never been any reason to. Even Shino didn't know.

"Oh… Ryou…" Kaoru didn't sound sleepy at all now. More like worried, which wasn't what Ryou wanted either. He didn't want anyone's pity or pointless concern.

"It's okay. I mean, everything's fine now."

More silence. Not exactly tense, but not relaxed. Ryou drew breath to speak, but Kaoru got there first. "…What made you ask this today?"

"I found things, from when I was a kid." And then, just for the sake of talking, he continued, "My cousin, she's getting married, so all these out-of-town relatives are coming here. Some of them are staying with my parents. I'm clearing my old stuff out to make a new guest bedroom."

"Is that really okay?"

"No, it's a pain. None of it's worth keeping, though."

"But… If there are already pieces of your childhood you've lost…"

"I'm not a child anymore."

"No, but… No, you're right. What's important is that you can still make new memories."

"Yeah. Anyway, want to meet again this weekend?" An abrupt change in topic, but Ryou wasn't sure what else to say about The World right now (and wanted to get away from the issue of his coma). He needed time to digest the new information. He didn't know how to feel about it yet, but he _did_ know how to feel about seeing Kaoru again.

Even if their first meeting hadn't been textbook perfection, he'd enjoyed himself. Kaoru was awkward and shy, but it didn't grate on Ryou's nerves. Ryou wanted more time with him. A lot more.

"Mm. Should I come to the train station?"

"You managed it once, so you should keep it up."

"All right… And if you'd like to stay for dinner, we could stop by somewhere?"

"Can we eat indoors this time?"

A soft laugh. "Of course. Ah, and I'd like to get a picture of us with my new phone."

"I'll try to look presentable, then. Is two o'clock okay?"

"Two is perfect." Kaoru sounded excited, in his own quiet way. Ryou liked that; it drew a smile from him, made him impatient for the weekend to arrive.

"Great. I'll-" As he spoke, his gaze strayed across the room; it reached the doorway and he flinched, startled, choking on his words. His mother was standing there, studying him with an unimpressed expression.

"Hello…?" Kaoru prompted. "Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah. I'll, uh. See you online later," he replied hastily. How long had she been there?

"Oh, okay… Bye, Ryou." Kaoru's tone was slightly puzzled now, but still content, affectionate.

Ryou hung up. As soon as he'd lowered the phone from his ear, his mother said dryly, "Reading magazines and calling your friends, this is your idea of tidying?"

He swallowed an angry retort. He wasn't certain if she'd lied about The World, but the possibility was enough to bother him. "It's getting done. What do you want?"

"Letting you know that it'll be just you and me at dinner. Your father's held up at work."

"'Course he is."

"Also, I'll need your help this weekend."

"Sorry, I'm busy again."

His mother sighed, in carefully controlled irritation. Arms folded over her designer blouse. "You can't be that busy, if you were just making plans."

"I've agreed to a lot already!"

"This is important, Ryou. It's only going to happen once."

"But I'm not-"

"This is your cousin's _wedding_. Your friends can wait," she interrupted sharply, and he recognised that tone: warning that if he didn't give in, there'd be consequences. Damn, what lousy timing (or lousy positioning; if Kaoru didn't live more than an hour away, getting enough time to visit wouldn't be such a problem).

But okay, this family crap _should_ only happen once, and he and Kaoru should have plenty of future weekends together. So it shouldn't be too bad. Even if Kaoru was disappointed, he'd be patient and understand.

"_Fine_. Whatever."

Argument won, his mother nodded and walked away. Ryou kicked at the nearest box, buckling sturdy cardboard with the force of his frustration. Would it have killed her to at least ask nicely?

Those boxes, though… He hadn't expected them to yield any surprises. He'd grown used to the idea that he'd never know what caused his childhood coma. Accepted it, learned not to worry about it. He'd never imagined that it might be connected to The World.

* * *

Wandering through Mac Anu was both easier and more difficult than taking a walk in real life, Endrance had come to realise. Here, if anything bothered him then he could switch servers in the blink of an eye. But here he was less anonymous, more likely to be singled out because of his reputation; it had faded after Demon Palace, but been rekindled by events since then. He didn't understand how internet popularity worked.

Nevertheless, he was in Mac Anu now, on the bridge that connected the market square to the dome. Watching golden synthetic sunbeams dapple golden synthetic water, tolerating the presence of other players as they milled to and fro. It wasn't bad. He tended to avoid towns most of the time, but it wasn't bad.

Today, Sunday, was the day he and Haseo ought to have met offline, so perhaps he was in a stranger mood than usual. Not sad, exactly – well, not too sad, since they'd rescheduled. It wasn't Haseo's fault, having so many important things to do; it was impressive that he managed everything as well as he did. Endrance just felt a little lonely, and there was nothing to take his mind off it.

"Hi there, Endrance!"

He blinked, withdrawing from his reverie, and saw Bo hurrying towards him. Whatever Saku felt towards Endrance - maybe she was still upset with him, maybe not - it never carried over to her brother. "Ah, hello…"

"I've never seen you out here before. Are you waiting for Haseo?"

"Not at the moment, no."

"Oh, okay." Bo hesitated, shuffling his feet. Endrance guessed the conversation must be over, and was about to turn away, when Bo added, "By the way, um…I'm looking for my friend. She just started playing, so I promised to help out. She's a Harvest Cleric called Feather. You haven't seen her, have you?"

"No, but…" He wondered if this was a whim he ought to act upon. Well, he couldn't claim to be too busy. "I can help search, if you like."

"Really? Thanks a lot!"

"Are you certain she's in this town?"

"Yup! I tried sending her a Short Mail, but she didn't reply. I don't think she knows how to use them yet."

"…I'll start looking in the Alchemy District." Really, people should read the manual carefully before diving headfirst into a game. _He'd_ read it from cover to virtual cover (even the parts he'd feared would never be of use to him, like joining guilds, forming parties, trading Member Addresses with friends). But he didn't much care what others chose to do.

So while Bo took the road to the harbour, Endrance warped into the Alchemy District. He didn't stop to speakwith anyone, just walked slowly and kept an eye out for likely-looking PCs. That girl over by the fountain, with the pale cape cut to resemble wings, like Shino's or Atoli's – might that be her? He wondered if he should go over and ask. He…didn't particularly want to do that.

Before he could decide, a Short Mail arrived from Bo, saying that Feather had been found. Well, that was fortunate. Since Endrance had no more reason to be here, he warped to the central dome. Maybe he'd go to Dol Dona for a while, for a change of scenery; the sunlight was brighter there, and he enjoyed that.

And there beside the Chaos Gate was Bo, accompanied by a small Harvest Cleric (who frankly looked less feathery than the one Endrance had almost spoken to). Endrance hadn't meant to run into them, but when Bo waved him over, he supposed the only polite thing to do was approach.

"Endrance, this is my friend! Feather, this is Endrance. He's a really famous player, and he knows lots about the game."

"Nice to meet you!" Feather chirped, bowing lower than was necessary.

"Hello," Endrance replied, mildly bemused. He meant to follow that with a farewell, and let them get on with whatever they'd planned, but he wasn't quite fast enough. Feather spoke up again first.

"Are you coming to play with us too?"

"Oh, um, Endrance was just helping to look," Bo said. "It's you and me who are making the party now."

Another whim struck. Endrance hesitated, glancing from Bo to Feather; the one he knew was affable enough, and he doubted the other would be too different. So he could probably join them without any trouble, couldn't he? He wasn't sure if he _wanted_ to, but…was it something Haseo would be pleased about, if he did? He wasn't sure of that either, but might be.

"…Actually," he said, "I wouldn't mind assisting, if you'd like. I used to play a spellcaster, a long time ago… It can be tough without any fighters for backup."

The offer was accepted, with great enthusiasm.

They picked a low-level field to start training in, and though progress was slow, that suited Endrance fine; he wasn't impatient, so it wasn't annoying to halt while Bo explained about Lucky Animals or different item types. It couldn't compare to the bliss of training with Haseo, of course, but it wasn't unpleasant. The other two chatted happily to each other, not excluding him, but not bothering him with things he didn't care about.

For some reason, he found his thoughts wandering back to R:1. Perhaps due to that phone conversation a few days ago. He hadn't discussed it with Haseo any further, but he'd been thinking about it, and about his time as Elk. Back then, although he'd wanted to be with Mia more than anyone else, he'd had fun with other players too; here in R:2, this was the first party he'd ever joined without Haseo (unless his exploits in Sage Palace counted, and he didn't think they did). Mia was the only person from R:1 who retained a place in his heart, but he'd found a temporary happiness in the company of those others, hadn't he? He shouldn't forget that.

Some people just weren't cut out to be extroverts, social butterflies. But they could still find a place in life, couldn't they? Once upon a time, Endrance would have denied it; now he wasn't so defeatist, wanted to keep trying. And next week he'd be rewarded for it, when Haseo came to visit him. This time next week, there'd be no distance between them at all. He was already counting down the hours.

Before he could sink any deeper into that reassuring daydream, a shriek caught his attention. Feather had just been flattened by a marauding King Chim Chim.

* * *

Saturday evening, and Ryou had just arrived home, to an untidy apartment filled with shadows and half-finished homework. He switched on a light and slumped onto the sofa with a weary, ill-tempered sigh; closed his eyes for a few moments, opened them to a heap of school books, and looked away. He'd worked hard to improve his grades since the Lost Ones woke up, and he wasn't so obsessively focused on The World anymore. He wouldn't let them slip again.

Right now though, there was something he needed to do online. He wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else yet. So he hauled himself over to the computer, put his M2D on and logged straight into The World.

Endrance was waiting by Dol Dona's Chaos Gate. That wasn't usual, but they'd arranged a kind of…date? Haseo wasn't sure if he should think of online excursions like these as dates or not. But either way, he'd been looking forward to it, imagining it'd be a nice precursor to tomorrow's meeting. So much for that.

"Hey there."

Endrance gave an eager, adoring smile. "I'm glad to see you… Are you ready to go?"

"There's something I have to say first. Hold on." He sent a party invite, so they could speak more privately. "…It's about tomorrow. I'm really sorry."

"Oh…" Endrance's smile faded in comprehension. His gaze drifted down and away, and one hand clutched the opposite arm.

"I tried to get enough time, but I couldn't." It felt like a lame excuse, no matter how true it was.

"…It's okay, I understand. Do you still want to go to the area?" The smile returned, albeit more forced-looking now. Haseo felt a guilty sense of gratitude; he'd known Endrance would take it calmly, without causing a scene. Just like last week.

"_Θ Truthful Illusion's Starlit Sky_, right?"

Endrance nodded, and they warped there together. A cloudy field with the Beast Temple at their backs, and no other players around.

"Looks ordinary enough," Haseo said. "What's this bug you wanted to show me?" Because that was what Endrance had mentioned, when he suggested they come here – some bug that created a remarkable anomaly in the graphics.

"Supposedly you have to make it happen in a certain way… Here, I think." Endrance set off over a bridge, and Haseo followed, up a slope to a hilltop (each blade of grass perfectly rendered, flattening briefly beneath their feet before straightening back to normal). "This is the right place on the map, but…" He glanced around, then turned in a slow, deliberate circle. A sidestep to the left, then forward, then back a little - an odd, jerky series of motions from such a typically graceful PC.

"Uh, Endrance? What are you doing?"

"You have to face the ruins of the Crest Gun, on the horizon. Tilt to the left, and move until your screen starts flickering…"

"Okay, I guess," Haseo muttered, trying to copy the directions. Nothing changed, except now he felt kind of stupid for staggering around like this. "You sure this is right?"

"Ah, there…" Endrance halted, turning back to him. "I can see it."

"I can't!"

"Your headset isn't in monocle mode, is it?"

"No, I always play full-screen."

"Well, try tapping the controller, rather than holding the buttons down normally." Endrance gave a long, thoughtful pause. "…Here." He moved to Haseo's side, placing one hand on his arm and the other lightly at his waist (and though it was so light a touch, Haseo found himself paying a lot of attention to that). "I think you have to move a little more…"

Haseo tapped the controller to step forward, as he'd been told to. He stumbled, but Endrance's hands tightened to steady him. They took the next step together, and then, off in the distance, the graphics began to glitch and unravel, sheets of shadow flaring like dark lightning on the horizon. "Hey, I think I'm getting it. What's next?"

"…This way." Endrance turned them to face another direction, and blackness enveloped them.

Or…not_ total_ blackness. Their PCs, the ground beneath them, the ocean – as Haseo's eyes adjusted, he realised they were just heavily shaded, as if this were a nocturnal or storm-wracked field. But the sky, that was something else altogether.

Where there ought to be clouds or stars, bands of hazy light rippled and shifted, melting from dusky violet to a deep, blazing blue as Haseo stared. It looked like something deliberately programmed, rather than a random bug – but that was The World, wasn't it? It played by its own rules. It dreamed up all kinds of things that weren't meant to be here.

"Can you see, Haseo?"

"Yeah. It's like the Northern Lights, isn't it?"

"The Northern Lights… Yes. But it also reminded me of those fireworks, at the festival… So I wanted you to see this, as well."

"And we said the next time there was a meteor shower, we'd watch it together, right?"

"I remember that…" Endrance said, contentment in his voice. He really was being good about the cancellation. And his hands still hadn't drifted away from Haseo.

It seemed like they could stay here for a while, uninterrupted, so Haseo chose to sit down on the grass. He lifted Endrance's hand off his waist, but kept hold of it, using it to pull Endrance down beside him. Sure, it made no real difference to their PCs, but it looked more natural and comfortable.

"I'm sorry if I'm not meant to ask about this, but I've been wondering… Did you find out anything more about what happened to you? When you were younger…"

The question took Haseo by surprise, but he found that he didn't mind it. "No. I asked my mother, but she says I never played. I don't know if I believe her."

"I see…"

"I'm glad you told me what you knew, though."

"What is it that you want to believe?"

"What I want? I guess…I want to believe I did play before. Because then I've got an explanation." And a guarantee it wouldn't happen again.

"And a deeper connection to The World, in a way…"

"Yeah." There were ways he could investigate further, if he really wanted to. Force a confrontation with his mother, or go bother Pi and ask if CC Corp still had records of its R:1 accounts. He didn't feel the need to, though. When you typed something like 'The World comas' into a search engine, you found rumours covering both versions of the game. It felt like it fit, like it just had to be right. He could be satisfied, without chasing after more concrete proof.

After that, the conversation fell into a natural lull. The glitched patterns overhead shifted from a rich, burning gold to the cool white of starlight, and then back again. Offline, Ryou shifted in his chair and tried to convince himself that he wasn't tired yet. He needed to get at least one piece of homework done before he slept tonight.

"…Haseo. When we met before, did I do something wrong?"

He frowned, taken aback by that negative change in topic. "What do you mean?"

"I…I know I'm not the same as other people. I don't always-"

"What? It's not your fault," he said. Endrance was silent. "Look, I'll definitely come see you next week, okay? I promise."

"You don't have to…"

"No. It's a promise."

"Haseo…" There was a strange note in Endrance's voice, something fragile and emotive that Haseo couldn't quite interpret. "…Thank you."

"What's the big idea, thanking me?" Haseo retorted. "It's not like it's some act of charity! It'll make me happy too."

Endrance hesitated, then gave a faint breath of laughter. "I'll do my best."

* * *

So it really wasn't Kaoru's fault, that another meeting had been cancelled? Ryou said it wasn't, and of course Kaoru trusted him, but…for some reason, that wasn't enough to feel completely safe.

After his mother found out he had a real life friend, she'd gotten rather nosy. When he said Ryou would be visiting again, she'd seemed pleased, and then told him not to mind when it was cancelled. When he reported the second cancellation she didn't say anything, but he guessed what she was thinking. She didn't believe Ryou would ever come again, didn't she? She thought her socially inept son had spoiled his one chance.

Was that right? Kaoru didn't want to believe it. There _would_ be a next time, and things would be better. Even if he was awkward and shy and poor company, there were still things he could do to keep Ryou happy, weren't there? If he made more of an effort, there'd be nothing to worry about.

Perhaps they ought to discuss it more, but should that be needed? Since Kaoru loved Ryou so much, spent so many hours thinking about him, he ought to intuitively know what the best course of action was, without checking and making himself a nuisance. That _was_ right, wasn't it?

He didn't know. All he could focus on clearly was the terror of loss. Being unworthy, being cast aside. Just imagining it made him nauseous, made his heart jolt in panic. He couldn't survive alone, not after getting this far, learning how wonderful it could truly be to share a connection with someone. He'd do anything to preserve that.

To have an enduring amaranth instead of a beautiful rose…that was still better than a handful of withered leaves.


	5. Chapter 5

This time they'd managed to meet at the station without any delays, and navigate to Kaoru's house without getting lost. There was a chill in the hallway, after they shrugged off coats and scarves – it was a grey, cloudy day – but that didn't matter. It wouldn't last. Ryou was really happy to see him.

"Ryou…?" Kaoru turned towards him, still clutching the edge of a coat after hanging it up. He hesitated, as if he had something in mind but wasn't sure how to word it. "Um, would it…"

"What's the matter?"

Kaoru shook his head. "…Never mind." A flickering smile. "I'm just glad you're here… Would you like something to drink?"

Fair enough. "I'll have tea, I guess." He never drank tea at home, but always seemed to end up with it at other people's houses. It was the easiest thing to ask for.

"All right. There's a kotatsu in the other room, if you're cold…"

So while Kaoru headed into the kitchen, Ryou went to settle down, switching on the heater beneath the table and arranging the comforter over his legs. He supposed Kaoru's mother must be out again; hopefully she wouldn't return at a bad moment this time. Anyway… This place was very different to his parents' house, which he liked. Simpler, no fancy ornaments or photographs – although there was a large tank against one wall, tropical fish drifting over pieces of bone-white artificial coral. It looked vaguely out of place, but held his attention for a while.

Kaoru seemed to be taking a long time in the kitchen.

"Need help in there?" Ryou called.

"I'm okay," Kaoru called back, sounding less than certain (and barely audible; he wasn't good at raising his voice). When he arrived with the tea though, it tasted fine. He asked if it was okay, and if this room was comfortable enough, fussing in the effort to be a decent host. He'd done the same thing last time. Ryou just took it in the spirit it was intended, rather than telling him to cut it out.

"I wish my place had space for a kotatsu." Central heating was more common in Japan than it used to be, but Ryou's apartment didn't have it. The vital thing was that it had a fast internet connection.

"Well, you're welcome to use this one as much as you like…" Kaoru didn't sit opposite Ryou at the table, as might be expected; instead, he chose one of the other sides, so they looked across at each other diagonally. Over a shorter distance.

"Thanks. All the wedding stuff with my cousin's finished, so I'll be able to get here more often."

"That's good… Did it go well?"

"I guess so." Ryou shrugged, then smiled. "Ours was more fun."

"Are marriages very important in your family?"

"No more than anyone else's. I'm not under much pressure." Never mind that he'd had a few senior relatives on his case, marking him as the next one who ought to get hitched (in a real, offline sense, to a girl). It was too soon to worry about that; he was seventeen, he had years to figure it out. "Hey, didn't you want a picture of us on your new phone?"

"Is it okay if I take one now…?"

"Sure. C'mere."

Kaoru shifted over to Ryou's side of the kotatsu, settling beside him. Ryou leaned in to make sure they'd get a good, close-up shot – well, that was one reason he leaned in - and wrapped an arm around Kaoru's waist. Kaoru felt thinner than he appeared, through layers of warm, loose-fitting clothing. He tilted his head to rest against Ryou's, and strands of his hair brushed Ryou's cheek, feather-light. The camera flash went off.

The picture was a good one, but Ryou said, "Let's take another." Although they didn't _need _another, this was a cosy position. No reason to hurry getting out of it.

"You think so…?" Kaoru conceded, raising the phone again. Ryou squeezed his waist a little tighter. The flash went off a second time. "Yes, that one's better…" he said, with an air of calm happiness, even from something so trivial. Ryou couldn't resist kissing him.

It was gentle, a little awkward, two people who hadn't quite learned to read each other's signals yet. A little awkwardness, balanced by heart-quickening newness. Kaoru's hands hovered uncertainly on Ryou's shoulders, like he couldn't figure out where best to put them. The flash went off a third time, and Ryou chuckled when they parted and checked the result: a blurry, accidental photo of his neck.

"What, you're not deleting that?"

"No, I'll keep it… I don't want to lose any picture of you, even a bad one." Kaoru was smiling, as if he knew how strange that sounded and didn't care at all. The phone was finally set down, beside a cup of tea he hadn't touched.

"…Anyway, what were you trying to ask before?"

"Oh, that… Just…I wanted to ask if I could kiss you, actually."

It was kind of ridiculous that he thought he had to _ask_ – but kind of cute, too. So of course Ryou kissed him again, curled his fingers in the fabric of Kaoru's shirt to pull him even closer.

"You can do that whenever, you know," Ryou said quietly, smiling. "I'm pretty okay with it." He got a vague sense of déjà vu, saying that: to a time when Endrance hadn't even dared touch Haseo's face, in case he got mad. He didn't want false assumptions like that to get in the way anymore.

"Pretty okay…?"

"Yeah." This wasn't all he'd come here for, but honestly, a lot of other things – talking, getting to know each other – they could do anytime, online or over the phone. They did those practically every day. There weren't many things that could only happen in person, no wires attached, every sense engaged.

Then Kaoru pulled away. Not much, just enough to speak. "Ryou… You understand how I feel, don't you?" he asked softly, head bowed, as if he was suddenly too shy to make eye contact. Somehow even his voice sounded better, in person. No matter how clear a phone line or webcam connection was, it was better to hear it this close. "You should know I'll do anything you wish. Anything you ask me to…" One of his hands strayed down to rest on Ryou's hip. Again, it was a lightly hovering touch, like he wasn't sure it ought to be there. "I… I really want to make you happy…"

Ryou swallowed, captivated. "Same here. I mean, I want to make you happy too."

"Then…" A few more moments of hesitation. "Then…shall we move this into the bedroom?"

"What?" He wondered if he'd misheard, or misinterpreted. "Seriously?" Silence. Oh, crap - it really was serious? Where had that come from? "Uh, no. We're fine here."

"…You don't want to…?"

"No! I mean. It's only the second time we've met, you know?" It wasn't like he'd never thought about it, but those weren't serious expectations yet, just…the other type of thoughts. Private thoughts. That was enough, for now.

"But if you want more, that's okay. You…don't have to do anything in return, if you-"

"Nobody's doing anything!" he snapped. He hadn't meant to snap, but didn't like having this thrown at him out of the blue – and there was something offabout it, anyway. One minute Kaoru couldn't even kiss without asking, and the next he wanted to jump into bed? Even for him, that was too weird.

Kaoru leaned back, almost flinching, still avoiding eye contact. "…I'm sorry, if I shouldn't have asked…"

"Why did you?"

"I told you…" His voice was steady but very quiet, even more than usual, as if it hurt to push the words out. Arms crossed tight over his body.

"That wasn't an answer. Stop saying you'll do what I want, when you don't even know what that is."

Silence, dragging on long enough for a heavy edge of awkwardness to build. The only noise was a steadily bubbling filter in the aquarium. "…What is it you want from me, Ryou? I've asked before, and I thought you gave me an answer, but…"

"I don't know." It was a curt, automatic reply. The real reply was kinder, warmer, but that was buried under irritation now. Things had been going so well, and they'd anticipated this meeting so much; why did it suddenly have to get weird? "Just…quit being stupid, okay?" He paused. "And drink your tea if you're gonna drink it. We'll be late."

"Late…?"

"I thought we'd go to a movie today. I haven't had a chance to see that one based on The World yet." And the cinemas would stop showing it soon, which meant they might get the whole screen to themselves. No large crowds to stress Kaoru out.

"A date?" Kaoru sounded more surprised than he had any right to.

"Yeah, a date! We're dating, so we're going out on dates. That's what I want." He shot Kaoru a scolding look. "I already found a cinema and checked the screening times."

"…I see." A smile, and the tension melted from Kaoru's posture. He seemed relieved, even – and that soothed Ryou's mood as well. He still wasn't entirely clear on what had happened, why Kaoru'd thrown himself forward like that, but it looked like saying no had been the right choice.

It wasn't like Ryou was shy, or a prude, or too uncertain in his sexuality. He just didn't feel they had to do it _now_, today. He wanted to enjoy more of the smaller stuff first: making out, holding hands, going places together. And deep down, he suspected that was what Kaoru really wanted, too.

Maybe this romantic attitude was catching, just a little. Not in a bad way.

* * *

Endrance was in Breg Epona, in that small hidden square down flights of stairs, where the pavement gave way to fathomless blue skies. He'd never been afraid of heights; many other things, but never heights. That's where he was sitting, right at the edge, when Saku found him. She'd been avoiding him for…well, about a fortnight now.

"Master En?"

He turned, surprised to see her, and at the meekness in her tone. But it was nice to know she was okay, hadn't vanished from the game altogether (he wasn't sure _why _it was nice, but apparently it was). "…Hello, Saku."

"Hi." She approached and sat down beside him, stocking-striped legs dangling out over the abyss of sky. "Master En…can I talk to you?"

He gave a murmur of assent.

"Sorry I haven't been around much. There was stuff I needed to think about, but it's okay now."

"'Stuff'?"

"You don't want to hear it." Silence for a while, after that. If Endrance wasn't meant to ask then he wasn't going to. Just as his attention started to wander, Saku sighed, and told him anyway. "It's not fair. The World's the only place I could ever fall in love, you know. The only place ever."

"…Same here."

"Huh?"

A few months ago – a few weeks, even – her distress wouldn't have made any impact on him. He'd have swept it aside like dust. But now it did, and he still couldn't decide why, except that she was somebody familiar, whom he had no ill wishes towards. A flicker of empathy, perhaps. "You treat me as if I'm perfect, but… There are problems I have to deal with, in the real world. But Haseo helps me so much…"

Granted, yesterday's visit hadn't gone perfectly, but that wasn't Ryou's fault. Kaoru was the one who'd been foolish and embarrassing, and…he'd prefer not to dwell on it. In the end, Ryou's behaviour reassured him. It hadn't wiped out all his fears in one fell swoop – he'd need some type of magic to achieve that, probably – but it was enough. Ryou had taken him on a simple, wonderful date, rather than taking anything else Kaoru wasn't sure he wanted to give yet.

"He's really nice to you? Honestly?" For the first time, Saku glanced up at him. Endrance nodded. "Well…he'd better keep being nice. Or I'll make him regret it forever!"

"…Saku?"

"Yes, Master En?"

"Would you like to go to an area?"

She sat up very straight, beaming at him. "Of course!"

It wasn't an act of charity. Endrance didn't talk any more than usual, but he was present, which seemed to suffice. He wondered what Saku meant by The World being the only place she could fall in love, but didn't pry. Whatever cause a person could have for saying something like that, it could only be painful.

Warping back to Breg Epona, they ran into Haseo; he must have logged in this very minute. Endrance felt a hint of nervous apprehension mixed with the usual wave of happiness. They'd exchanged a few texts earlier today, and he'd apologised again for his foolish advance. Haseo's last words on the subject had been 'it's fine, quit worrying', but…Endrance was still a little worried, regardless. He wasn't sure what sort of greeting to offer.

"Hey! Move out the way, stupid Haseo!" Saku snapped. Either her bout of acceptance hadn't lasted, or it didn't extend to actually treating Haseo with courtesy. Oh well, at least she'd broken the ice.

"Saku? And Endrance?"

"That's riiight! Since you weren't here, me and Master En went to play all by ourselves," she declared, in a tone of great satisfaction. Then she placed a finger beneath one eye, and stuck her tongue out.

"I see." Haseo folded his arms, exchanging a look with Endrance and then focusing back on Saku. He didn't seem cross or awkward; if anything, he looked to be in a good mood. Amused, maybe. That was a relief. "Guess you're back to your old self again."

"Of course! I'll never give up the fight for Master En's heart!"

"I knew the peace was too good to last," Haseo said, but Endrance knew he didn't mean it.

* * *

"So tell me, how long have you been part of The World?" asked the interviewer from Tenth Dimension, a regular-looking Harvest Cleric. Haseo wondered if she was a real player, or if she'd created a character just to meet him in his native environment (he wouldn't have agreed to an offline interview, but he didn't think they'd want that anyway; Haseo was the internet celebrity, not Ryou).

"I started last November, so almost a year now."

"A milestone! What's kept you playing all this time?"

"My friends. The World is where I've met all my most important friends and rivals." That was only a fragment of the truth, but it was a decent enough answer to give publicly.

"Really, so it wasn't the challenge of becoming a champion?"

"That stuff isn't what really matters."

It was good to consider things like this, he supposed. Looking back to how different he'd been a year ago, and over everything that reshaped him. Picturing everyone he had to thank, though 'thank' wasn't always the best word. Being able to do that without anger or regret overwhelming him. Knowing his fate had been tied to The World's for far longer than he'd realised, and feeling okay with that.

Not that the interviewer asked anything too deep; she seemed most interested in the secrets of his arena success. And obviously he wasn't going to spill those. He just said some generic stuff about teamwork and dedication (and those weren't exactly lies, either).

"What do you think about the controversy surrounding online games? People claiming they're too addictive, or drive kids to behave violently?"

"That's kind of a tough issue, but you can't put all the blame on games. Everyone should take responsibility for their own actions – and you know, games can have a good influence too. Some people, things aren't great for them in their real lives, and they can't get support anywhere but with their online friends. It makes them better, not worse."

The interviewer nodded, then remarked lightly, "For someone nicknamed 'Terror of Death', you give surprisingly thoughtful answers."

"Uh, thanks?"

"It's true you're a high school student though, isn't it?"

"Not sure where you heard that, but yeah." Haseo regarded the woman with a hint of wariness. He didn't want her grilling him for too many offline details.

"Well, I'm sure you know you've got a lot of female fans out there. For their benefit, do you have a girlfriend, or are you single?"

Now _that_ was barely better than gossip. He pulled an unimpressed face. "Neither."

"Neither?"

"You've heard of Endrance, right? We had a history in the arena, then did the wedding event. He's my boyfriend in real life." He didn't think he'd called Endrance that before, but it was right. It felt right. Far better than lying to classmates about dating some girl in another prefecture.

"Oh, I see." The interviewer gave an uncertain sort of laugh.

Haseo fixed her with a steady, challenging stare. "What, gonna edit that out?"

"I'm not judging anything, just looking for points of interest."

He folded his arms, but relaxed slightly. "All right. What's your next question?"

Even if Tenth Dimension didn't do something stupid like censor his mention of a boyfriend, he'd probably never give an interview after this. It was a one-off, for the novelty, because he didn't mind the fame he had, but didn't want to encourage it too much. It didn't matter whether or not he'd earned it; eventually the name 'Haseo' would fade into obscurity, and life would carry on just fine. He'd done what he needed to do.

* * *

Endrance seldom went to Lumina Cloth these days. Haseo had abandoned the Sage Palace crown, claiming he'd lost interest, and would rather spend his time in the game hanging out with friends. Which made sense. As for the real world, they had a lot more meetings behind them now, sometimes staying in and sometimes going out. Just to local, uncrowded places: the beach on a clear, quiet day, or to pick up a meal (though it was tricky finding somewhere that catered to both of their palates; Kaoru couldn't stomach most of Ryou's favourite dishes). More moments of affection behind them, more confidence between them, and understanding.

And this time, he would be venturing even further.

The offline world wasn't so awful as he'd once believed. He'd never be a social butterfly, but he wasn't afraid to step outside anymore, didn't see the future as something bleak and formless. He was learning how to get by. As Endrance, and as Kaoru too.

Unfamiliar pavements were wet, a memory of last night's snow (melted by the endless rush of humanity, rather than the pale winter sun). The crowds were wisely wrapped up, layered wool and waterproofs, gloves and scarves and the occasional white flu mask, the sort that had spooked him and made him cry, when he was a small child. He wasn't cold though, not really. Too much else to be distracted by, too many sparks of nervousness and elation to pause and notice the cold.

"The view from my apartment won't be great," Ryou said, "but if we go to a park or something, it should be clearer."

Anyone could tell that Tokyo – anywhere in Tokyo, even a park – wouldn't be the best place to watch a meteor shower. Too much light pollution, especially at this time of year (though some of the Christmas displays were beautiful enough to compensate, perhaps). For that purpose, Kaoru's hometown would have been a better choice, but there were other reasons to be here instead.

"Hopefully the weather won't be too bad… But if it is, I won't mind staying in." He took his eyes from the street to cast a shy glance in Ryou's direction.

"You're staying over anyway."

"I am, but…"

Ryou returned the glance. It was simply the weather adding colour to his cheeks, wasn't it? Most likely, but it was nice to imagine otherwise. "Yeah, um. I know what you mean."

Kaoru smiled, and kept hold of Ryou's hand. He'd hold onto this forever.

* * *

**[Nogmung]**  
I'll admit, it's a shock. I followed the progress of those two in the arenas and had a lot of respect for them, but now I don't know what to think.

Still, I can't deny your talent, Biwa.

**[Julias]  
**No matter what gender their PCs or players are, I can't help but be caught in the romantic atmosphere. I'd like to get married there myself someday (though it would be to a girl).

**[Isolde]  
**My blue-haired beauty! Can it be? And that awful, clumsy Rogue whom he selflessly gave up his title to - I'll never forgive you for stealing him, Haseo!

**[Syake]  
**Wow, this is a popular thread, huh? But I'm not surprised, since it's a cool picture and a cool subject too :)

I've seen those two in town together, and always get a relaxed vibe from them. They'd probably think it was odd if some stranger ran over to wish them luck, though!

**[Machi]**  
Beautiful work as always, Biwa. It's funny to think that when the first pictures of Haseo appeared, we'd have been shocked to see such a calm expression on his face. But he's become popular with all kinds of players, not just PK victims and arena fans, hasn't he? It feels inspiring to know that even such a notorious person can open his heart and be accepted.

And Syake, you should go for it! I wish them both a lot of luck too =)

* * *

_Author's Notes:_ At last, the final chapter! I'm sorry it's taken so long to complete, and I hope it was a satisfying ending. Again, thanks to everybody who's reviewed and messaged me, and stuck with it this long; I've really appreciated all your kind and encouraging words.

I plan to write more Haseo/Endrance fics in the future, maybe revisiting the Victorious/Veritas universe, but also heading in new directions (I have a few things in the works already). Because they're still my favourite pairing ever, and I wish the fandom for them was larger. If there's anyone who'd be interested in beta reading for me at some point, get in touch?


End file.
